i want everything to be the way it was. i tried hard to say the right things, to choose my words graciously with understanding, patiently with love. i willed myself to suppress negative thoughts and i fought offensive anger with silent prayers. and yet, perhaps, emotions did got the better of me eventually, and i said things i don't mean, words that tore down and damaged.

this is too hard. i feel like giving it all up, say goodbye and take the easier way out. keep my foolishpride, stick my nose into the air and walk away. but no, i can't let thisblessing be taken away from me!

i analysed the situation and tried to be objective and logical, only to realise that i have absolutely no idea what the root of the problem is - i am confused. was it me, or was it you? is it because i was too honest to the extent to being insensitive and offensive, or was it because i was being too sensitive and over-reacting? have i weighed yu down with unrealistic expectations? i don't think either of us are unreasonable or quarrelsome by nature. i know we both respect and love each other, and surely we hope the best for each other. then why is it that we often argue? i once heard arguements are the best communication tools... ha.

though i am confident that we both want things to work out for the better, i don't know if this will leave a lasting mark, a crack in theblessing. i certainly hope not, but i know it takes two hands to clap, two hearts to be comforted, two minds to agree.

and this should really be a much smaller issue in the face of other giants in my life that i have to find courage to face. i am having such a difficult time caught between D&M. i wonder if it's like this too when they quarrel and shout at each other. i wonder if they too regret saying things they dont mean to each other. if they do, why will this be going on for months?

helpless, i can only crytoYou, hope and pray.