good days or bad days, we need grace. the pursuit of holiness requires a tough discipline, but it must be anchored in grace. otherwise, it's dommed to failure.

grace,
is the heart of the gospel.

i have a confession tonight - i am not doing 'alright'. normally, i will quarantine myself before this emo-ness and disillusion-ess becomes infectious, but tonight, i need to vent.

even as i joke and laugh in anticipation of acertainevent, i m cringing inside. little do you know that it takes so much effort for each smile and each laugh and each conversation. i feel lost & lonely. yes, even when i am standing in the middle of the room and all attention is on me, i feel lost and lonely - because i couldnt care less. i couldnt care less because this is not as real as it seems. because we are all ugly inside, we are all rotting inside. people say things that they dont mean. people do things to hurt one another.

it's so easy to love You Lord, because You did not betray my trust, because You did not say one thing but do another, because You died on the cross for sinners like myself. But it's so hard Lord, to obey and love Your people. yes, love is a choice. but God, when it takes so much energy to love someone, such that i become so drained and tired, i wonder if it's still 'an outflow of love' from You. if it's not, does that mean i can give up and stop trying? and if it's not, then what does it mean - does it mean that i don't love You enough?

no. i got to keep trying, keep on going, keep on loving like i have never been hurt before - just as how i battle sin everyday to please You. after all, the christian life is a daily struggle.

but tonight, (just for tonight, i promise) i am not doing alright. all my failures are playing like a film in my mind, and i cant get it out of my head. tonight, i give up and cry.

Lord, i stand before You now - all is stripped away and i am left standing empty and broken - seeking to find comfort in Your arms. oh God, i m human. i am only human, struggling and hurting daily because i am trying to be something i am not, because i am trying so hard to be like You. and i know You understand, You have went through it all. will You tell me what to do, where to go from here?

i am in need of You.
surely you are here with me. surely, you do not send me to where your grace does not cover me. surely, you will not put me through more than i can bear. there's got to be a reason for this. is this part of your bigger plan for me?

love, compassion & justice.

i get frustrated (frustrated). i can't help but frown upon those who don't seem to care about things that matter to me.

AH

MY PASSPORT EXPIRES ON THE 1ST MAY 2009

which means that i either fly back to singapore on the 1st nov 2008

or

be stuck here in melbourne as an illegal immigrant for the rest of my life!



my future address:

Yarra River Bridge
4th bed from the 5th drain

HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW!

you're in my arms, and all the world is calm
the music playing on, for only two

so close together.

and when i'm with you,
so close to feeling alive

so close
to reaching that famous happy ending
almost
believing this was not pretense
now you're beside me and look how far we've come
so far
we are so close

how could i face the faceless days
if i should lose you now?

we are so close
to reaching that famous happy ending
almost believing this was not pretense
let's not go on dreaming for we know we are

so close
and still so far

Christians dont need to live like losers in some vast cosmic dice game. Christians are never victims; in fact, Christians need never be either pessimistic or optimistic, as though somehoow their ultimate destiny were stil in doubt. For a Christian, the truly bilical virtue is hopefulness because our hope is secure in the promises of Jesus Christ.

Then why, tell me why do we cry? Because it is right to cry. But only let yourself cry in the anticipation of that glorious day, when God himself shall wipe away all tears from my eyes, and there will be no more sorrow, neither there shall be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Now, who wouldnt want to have a tear, one trembling tear, to fall when God Himself will wipe them all away?

Take heart.

Find us Faithful

We're pilgrims on the journey of a narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful


This is to J,
whose footprints that you leave,
and the life that you live,
that passion that burns for the Lord

have inspired me to obey.

'because of the love of Christ, you're the best friends I could wish for :)'

and i can say (with all my heart) the same thing back to you.
and just as L sings, i wish you Jesus, because i want to wish you the best in life.

and the dancing ends
i am standing my ground.

ihopeyoulove.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Is 53:12

love is clearly, considered the greatest virtue. however, it is not easy to measure love, especially because the world today has such a distorted concept of what love is. many think that love is simply an emotion. while emotions certainly may be attached to biblical love, love is primarily an act of the will. He commands us to love, first Him and then our neighbours. it's a command.

we can be loving irregardless of emotions. we can choose to face our circumstances in a loving manner even when we do not want to. we can love those who are unlikeable.

i like reading the news because it reminds me of many things about Him. i see diversity and uniqueness in His creation. i feel connected, more relevant in the world He put me in. i learn to sympathise, and to intercede. it stirs up compassion, it provokes silent anger.

and of course, He holds the world in His hands.

"devote yourself to praying, fasting & giving for Me"

mythoughtlife

i dont know if i am qualified to label myself as 'someone-who-thinks-a-lot'; because mythoughts can't be quantified or be compared to the people around me. one thing that i do know, however, is that i have negative thoughts - thoughts that makes me emo, thoughts that i detest, thoughts that entangle, thoughts that stumble, thoughts that confuse, thoughts that hurt.. and ultimately, these thoughts will affect what i do (whether i like it or not, it always show at the end of the day - perhaps a lessfriendlygrin, or a quickfrown that i didnt know about), and these actions will affect those around me.

and i am sick of thinking myself upset, i am sick of youthedevil, youdisgustingthing creeping up on me in such a way. i will take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - phil 4:8

the start of a new week
with a double dose of coffee & a struggling smile
but i love You Lord, i know that You are better than life.

A's21st
averyspecialfriend whom i have gotten closer to earlier this year. someone whom i can trust with a lot of things, someone who listens patiently and someone who catches onto my passions! thankyou for sponsoring a child with me. thankyou for nodding along to my visions and dreams. thankyou that we read captivating together. thankyou that i can stayover whenever the walk home seems too long.

hardware, la!
after going to flinders a thousand times, hardware la has got a refreshing touch to it (: although i think flinders is still nicer! had eggs florentine & 'ketchup' with B. what does it mean, for conversations to be seasoned with salt? what does it mean, to add flavour to the earth?

acloseshave
walking along the perimeters of carltongardens at 650pm is NOT safe! there was a mysterious wuss who tried to snatch my e71(ident)! but of cos, i put up a good struggle and screamed at the top of my lungs. what a close shave!

betty li tianyi
wow i love this girl to bits - i really, really do. i miss the stayingovers and the overnightconversations.. youknowmebetterthaniknowmyselfsometimes.

Y's21st
was looking forward to it because Y's a special friend (: pray that blessings will be upon him always, and that God will always always stayclosetohim, and to grow him from strengthtostrength and glorytoglory. J squirted ketchup at me even before Y was spotted, and i went home dirtier than the birthdayboy :(

singaporeday!
woohoo. it was truckloads of fun - having an event to be excited about, to go to together-gether, to soak up in the sun, mingle with the crowdycrowd, gloriousgloriousgloriousfood (check out BAH KUT TEH from 933 balestier road!) & lotsoffreegoodies - i thought i was KIASU enough, but a certain brunei-an from our gang took 4brollies & 3tshirts. also, i saw a lot of familiar faces there - faces of friends that were from different seasons of my life - brings back such a warm&fuzzy feelingg... Lord, thank you for your blessings

other things on my mind are... J's warning about getting into jacuzzis - slowly & surely; J's analogy of a pandora'sbox.

now i need a good strong coffee// one thing i will miss for sure in the dec hols will be the aroma of good strong coffee.

black tuesday? so called because the stock market crashed to a new low.
while i dont really understand the economic aspects of the situation, but i do know that many are going to lose their jobs, and families are going to broken. many are going to be in need for comfort. Lord, i pray that at a time as such, those who are distressed will cry out to You. Lord, please give comfort to the distressed, rest for the weary, and strength to those who are weak.
let the weak say i am strong
let the poor say i am rich
because of what the Lord has done, for us (:
and so manymanymany thanks to You great Lord - we are more than blessed because we know You.

L said something today that strikes a chord in my heart: it's so much more difficult when one doesnt know God, because they are unprotected. they feel alone and helpless in difficult situations, because they dont know who to call out to. i couldnt agree more - and i was thinking about how life was before i found the Lord, if i could even call that life at all. truly, now that i have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, i will never ever let go of Him. (though the storms may come, i am holding on)


at the same time, S graduated today (:
such joy! an occasion for celebration bring people/family together. the completion of a phase of life, and the start of a new one - i hope you start it full of anticipation, hope and trust. (:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.