Saturday, May 30

micah6:8

i like watching shows as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuDqIHXI8jc

urgh while i eat my oysters mussels and sashimi, people are hurting and it's so real. i feel almost guilty for indulging while others are suffering. but justice will prevail. the poor will be rich, and the weak will be strong. miracles do happen, by the power of God.

Micah 6:8.

Thursday, May 28

i want to eat chocolate :(
today i made an astounding discovery. not everyone understand my jokes!
for example, i said 'live long and prosper' to my coursemate today as i bid him goodbye after lecture 1 (yes, accompanied by the famous handsign). he laughed.
afterwards, when we meet again for lecture 2, i asked him: haven't seen you in a hundred years, how's it going since the blackholetrip? and he laughed politely.
throughout lecture, i was thinking of something to continue on with that startrek joke and i came up with this to say to him at the end of lecture: ah do you prefer chris pine or spock?
and he said: who are they?
me: hm.. star trek?
him: oh. isnt that the movie with the laser swords?
me: ... that's star wars dude. and it's call LIGHT SABERS
him: oh. star wars and star trek. ah.. there's a difference?

the point is not his ignorance, but the fact that....

WHAT WERE YOU THNINKING WHEN I SAID SILLY THINGS LIKE: live long and prosper instead of a common earthling goodbye?!!??


Tuesday, May 26

kill that emo wave

i dont know why but this boys over flowers have left me rather unhappy and emo lately. URGH. so the thoughts that's been running through my head lately were either 1. trying to figure out why i feel emo, or 2. how to stop that emo wave. last night i tried cslewis & chocolates. today i thought i might go to the gym and get some endorphins pumping. and if all else fails, there is the chaddie sale tomorrow (:

Monday, May 25

a paragraph from 'the weight of glory' by cslweis:

these things - the beauty, the memory of our own past - are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.

this has helped to work out the ache in my heart a little better.
waiting.
and i know you are coming,
in the fastest way you can.

-himym09

Friday, May 22

ahh.. stupid show,
make me cry till my eyes go puffy,
and giggle till my stomach hurts.
sigh.
lovestories do amazing things to people.
i admit i am a hardcore addict to romantika-love-stories.
so silly.
hee

Wednesday, May 20

a whisper into my ears

as i was walking home last week during sunset,
i couldnt help but feel sad that my journey (as a student) is coming to an end.
just as the sun's beams upon melbourne grew weaker & weaker,
the days were speeding by so fast i could hardly keep up.
soon darkness will come, and so will the next season bring forth uncertainties & anxiety.
as i walked along,
feeling immensely alone,
"nothing but me and my shadows" i thought.
"and who do you think made the shadow? was it not I - the Light of the earth, that enables a shadow, a shadow which will go wherever you will go, to be cast?" He whispered.
and a smile broke across my face.
how did it slip my mind?
He is always with me.

indeed the sun (which shone brightly just a few moments ago) has set on this part of the world,
but on the other end of the globe,
it's yet another sunrise once more.

a venting spot needed

p m s i n g.

Tuesday, May 19

too much coffee in the day, watching youtube videos, hooked onto eurovision & britain's got talent.

this kid's got too much talent:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7fxIWIQ0ww&feature=related

and so heartwarming (one of my fav song!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5eS-PKW324&feature=related\

rather amusing, just like my lame jokes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J2HmQoC2-Q&feature=related

and my heart is moved by this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ijwEwAvdo&feature=related

Sunday, May 17

language of love

quality time.

perhaps that's why it irks me when people gets stingy with time. what does 'no time' mean? it translates to me as 'sorry, you are not important enough to take up an hour of my life at this moment cos watching tv/youtubing/reading a book/chilling/stoning is much more important than you.' to have no time in a week or so is understandable, but to have no time in months? gee. and when mentioned in a rush, the words of encouragement seem so generic, and almost forced and insincere.

i think .. someone (a speaker of some sort) once said - the way you determine your priorities define you as a person, and i guess a person who fails to look beyond himself can only go as far as where his own strength can bring him to.

what happened to your love language?

Thursday, May 14

to the ends of the earth

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

Wednesday, May 13

:(

i can't emphasize how quickly these 3.5years have gone by. it does seem like yesterday when i first boarded the plane (my eyes full of tears and nose jammed up with boogie) bound for melbourne. urgh. i dont think i am ready to go home. i cant even bring myself to think about it. but yet, it's something that i know i will have to face. the sooner i find the courage to face it, the sooner i will ready myself for it. i am really upset about this. but i think my family needs me back in thattinyreddotontheglobe, and i wouldnt have peace unless i go to where God has called me to.
more uncertainties ahead, and the picture painted in my head seems bleak and dull. there is already a list of things that i have started complaining about. s i g h. i wish i can throw a tantrum to get my way. but who am i kidding? i am already 22 - it's about time i learn to live for others. it's time i learn to start making decisions with the consideration for those whom i care about. urgh. i dont want to try to organise my thoughts or to think about it in a logical sequence. haven't got the energy to do so. my heart's too heavy. depressing. i can hear two voices in my head, and they are caught up in a massive arguement - the angel who reminds me that God is in the picture and i need to learn to trust His grace is sufficient, and the devil who says that i just want it my way, and i wont be able to bear thetinyreddotontheglobe.

i read this off somewhere, that more often than not, the question to ask is not 'what does the future hold for me', but instead 'who holds my future'? and for the second question,
i am lucky, and thankful, that i already know the answer.

someone,
tell me something,
to comfort me.

Tuesday, May 5

(: and God encourages.

Ps119:65-72

65 Do good to your servant

according to your word, O Lord.

66 Teach me knowledge and good judgment,

for I believe in your commands.

67 Before I was afflicted I went astray,

but now I obey your word.

68 You are good, and what you do is good;

teach me your decrees.

69 Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,

I keep your precepts with all my heart.

70 Their hearts are callous and unfeeling,

but I delight in your law.

71 It was good for me to be afflicted

so that I might learn your decrees.

72 The law from your mouth is more precious to me

than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.

Trust in God's commandments, and good discernment was given. Trust in His words, for they are the best counsel. Pray! for a mind and heart that penetrates deep into the word of God, becoming spiritually discerning in situations and circumstances. afflictions or mistakes are good teachers of obedience and understanding. never mind what the situation is or affliction was, penetrating insight into God’s word is more valuable than silver and gold!

confrused!

a fleeting thought came to mind: i wonder if God ever regreted creating Adam and Eve, because we are such irritating creatures, arent we? time and time again man sin, and one couldnt disagree how much ugliness there is within the hearts and actions of man. such is the depravity of mankind - christians, or not, there isnt that great a difference in our habits of sin (perhaps one sin in knowledge of law&grace and thus hopefully repents thereafter, while the other not).
but the voice of truth in my head quickly refute that - John 3:16. and God's promise to never wipe out mankind after thebigflood tells me something - God does love us, He's seen something precious and good in mankind that we are worth Him going to great lengths to save. What is that gem in us, sometimes i fail to see, esp when blinded by emotions.

maybe i am too critical, maybe this littlebubbleinmyhead known as pride is growing. maybe i am becoming more cynical, maybe the satan's got be decieved, maybe maybe... or maybe i am right, and i just need to learn to deal with this in a wiser manner.

see, the difficulty and struggle i have is this: when i assess and have certain opinions of a certain person, am i judging (and being self righteous about it by thinking i have 'no' ill intentions)? am i placing myself in a position of superiority? matt 7:1, the red letters of my bible clearly prints: do not judge, and Jesus continues with: for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged. James 4, for when we judged, we speak against the law, and yet, we are, in 1cor 5, to judge those who believe and are sinful, whereby, James 2:12 cautions that our judgements are to be practiced with mercy. although my commonsense tells me that judging/assessing people around us are neccessary, but i also know that God's love and Jesus was radical, and surely lacking in what we call 'commonsense'.

my understanding now, at 3:17am (may i add a yawn!), is this: while it is important to be shrewd and understanding of human weaknesses, it is also important that i do not let that the love for anyone of His people diminish. While i cannot help but develop (sometimes negative) gut feelings about people around me, i must not let that affect my love for them. easier said than done, but i will try. Micah 6:8, a verse that has been the wallpaper of my E71, affectionately known as dented, jumps out at me once agian. what does the lord require me to do? but to act justly, love kindnesss, walk humbly with my God. so remember - justice, kindness, humility, and let that be ingrained and engraved deep into my thoughts & my heart as i assess/discern/form my opinions... or judge?

God give me a little bit of wisdom,
let your Word and Spirit be my light,
teach me to do what is pleasing to You,
i pray.

story of ruth

grace may be free for all, but it does not come cheap.

Monday, May 4

s o c i a l j u s t i c e.

"faith without works,

is dead"
A lot of times when we think justice, we think of big, sweeping, change-the-world-in-one-fell-swoop kind of moments. I’m convinced sometimes the power of one—and being active and pursuing justice—doesn’t always require money. It doesn’t always require a passport and airticket to ac ountry in need, it doesn't neccesary involve empyting your wallet intou the offering bag. Sometimes it just requires crossing the uncomfortable line that we have interpersonally and showing somebody love. We have the ability every morning to decide, “I’m going to do something for somebody else. I’m going to live a life today for others.” and that, in itself, is advocating for social justice at our doorstep.
come on.

in annoy-ance and frustration

open my window
feel the cold wind hit my face
stop me from breathing
i will scream
a heart wrenching scream
pierce the darkness
shake the hearts of those who hear
awaken those deep in sleep
crymyheartout
in annoy-ance and frustration
people situations words thoughts ideas
nothing i can change
but my perspective, perhaps
peace please come
so that i may soothe the ache
close my eyes
find my rest

what is wrong with me? you control freak.