Tuesday, June 30

woe is me

the devil is cunning & sly. he uses my seemingly small weaknesses - those that seem almost harmless. the lack of discipline in small mudane things, the lack of discipline in bringing glory to God for all the little things we do - they can fester, and they can rot me from the inside. the failure to correct them in time, the failure to throw off all these little things that hinder us. it's alike the grain of sand in the shoe that i didnt bother to throw out - blisters & limps & soon i won't be able to move an inch.

woe is me

but hallelujah! cos when my weakness & imperfections makes it difficult to pray & seek His face - God's mercy & grace actually becomes clearer, and more reachable! sometimes, i fooolishly think that i need to close that gap to meet God - that i have to do everything right and pleasing to His eyes. true, but only to a certain extent. because, no matter how hard i try, i will never ever be able to close that gap. and instead of giving up and recoiling away in disappointment, self-pity and guilt - wait for Him call onto Him & let Him close the gap instead.

and He did that nearly two thousand years ago.

if that's what it takes to be closer to You,
i will say: okay, bring it on.
because i am His,
i know for a certain the victory is already mine.
"Self-discipline cultivated in the seemingly mundane things of life will spill over into the spiritual realm."

Wednesday, June 24

finally!

after years of critics for not taking care of my electronics,
here it is:

it feels good to carry zacharay now - the case provides a firm handgrip, protection against the sporadic wet weather, and is a perfect accessory (: and according to ben, i should carry it such that the logo faces outwards so that it's more singaporean (ha, and that's coming from the hongkie-malaysia-singapore-melbourne hybrid)

Tuesday, June 23

the holiday i need.






'apollobay sept08 with cell-e

got caught up in the schedule of everyday


i almost forgot how it feels like to be on a holiday


come on


it's time to hit the road!


s i g h.

Sunday, June 21

sunday night syndromes, kindness i dont deserve.

if i were to list the kindness that God has showered upon me, i will have an inexhaustible list. i was recalling, and thanking God for all the good He has done in my life.. and i felt so spoilt - shuts my mouth up when i think of wanting to complain about clinicals.

thankyoudaphne, you always cheer me up a lot with your simple sweets&lollies/smiles&hugs/wordsofencouragement/sinceresharing. thankyou wenjie, i saw your comment on my post 'sunshinedays' and i felt so thankful and encouraged by your gentle kindness. thankyou christeo, you treated me to macdonaldsfries&nuggest & it's like really amazinglywonderful to serve alongside such a strongbrotherinchrist such as you. thankyou boonhweeong, that you are so humble&loving in your service towards others - that you will not walk the extra mile, but drive the extraMANYmiles in the crazywintercoldmorning to send me to sunshinehospital. thankyou joel for that lastcuppacoffee on wed night, although it was fast turning cold, it warmed me up much and motivated me throughout that night of stress+preparation work. thankyou tracy&melch for your hugs&tolerance when i popped by coffeemin with a very negativeheadfullofcomplainingthoughtsonwednight. thankyou yenchan, you will waste your petrol money to come and pick me up inconviently and send me home inconveniently during the librarytrips. thankyou rachel, your kind words, your kind thoughts, your kind gestures - you are very very very kind & sweet (: thankyou jess, your smses that get read in a hurried every morning as i do last minute readings on the train keeps me sane-ish & calms me down by a notch. thankyou dino, you drive us around a lot without complaining & cares for the people around you, oh and you sometimes have very very wise words to say. and......... you know, the list is reallly reallllyyyyyy rather inexhaustive.............

God, you didnt have to watch your son be humiliated, be physically&verbally abused, and to die on the cross for me. God, you didnt have to grieve when it was all my fault. God, you didnt have to knit me delicately while i was in my mother's womb. God, you didnt have to plan my life out for me so that it will all work out for the good.

see i can go on and on about it. i guess - yah all these things that s been going on lately - i must jot them down, remember them, and honour God for them. and i honour all the people who are in my life too, who helps me and is kind to me although i am undeserving.

i give thanks to you, oh god.

oh god, you are so kind,
how can i ever be deserving of you?

i treasure

as each melbourne sunset and sunrise come and go, i find myself treasuring more and more of the time i spend with friends and melbourne. i treasure the friday mornings where i can sleep in before hitting the sameoldbuilding which is just a 20minute walk away. i miss the availability of nice cafes (seven seeds) at every corner of the block - not dead buildings that exist merely for a function, but lively cafes with nice&polite people who are ready to serve not just the coffee but also a smile & a 'how do you do?' i treasure the generousity of friendswhoareblessedwithcars - that they are willing to send me from places to places - even though it's just about 10minutes walk away. i treasure thatfridaynightthing whereby we come together as a group of God's children to worship,learn&fellowship - it makes the journey so much less lonely. i treasure the spontaneous events that we as youthful and carefree students can afford (l4d lan party/postsupperhangouts)...

and come saturday, i am thankful for the willingness of old friends who would come together from various walk of life, various parts of the city for a 3hourlong breakfast (accardia @ getrudge) - i cant thank God enough for thefriendshipgroup - thank you for kr,jc,hl&mi,je,mc,lo&sh,hy,jx,st&ra who made the effort to turn up, braving through windycoldmorning, nearextinctcarparkslots, highway&tolls etc - i think it meant much to everyone who was there. it certainly meant much to me.

i treasure popping in & out of the quirky shops that tells the story of brunswick st.

i treasure my church. i treasure this community that God has blessed. i treasure God, who is willing to humble Himself to close the gap to meet me. i treasure His grace & mercy. i treasure His faithfulness and strength that is shown through my wretched-self.

i treasure the asiansuburbs (glenwaverly) of melbourne - where cheap good shanghai food abounds, where hmm steamdumplingstasteohsoyummy. i treasure how everyone's so ready to laugh at the tiniest thing - pleasant light-hearted jokes thrown around the table. humor is so subjective, and it's so much easier when people are more lenient when hearing your jokes.

i treasure how we will go to the extent of imposing inconvenience on ourselves to walk/drive that extra mile for a friend. i treasure how we do care for each other's feelings at the end of the day.

it's such a wonderful world.

Friday, June 19

random ramblings

(: really enjoyed myself last night. weilin & lynn & i was originally intending to go to culter, but it was fully booked. cummulus had a 45mins wait, so we ended up at verge (1 flinders lane) just for convenience's sake. the food turned out very nice though. i had.. wait for it... i had.... rolled rabbit. ha ha, but lynn thrashed the waiter at her description and knowledge of the menu. lols, not all that surprising cos it's lynn the closet foodie (: anyway, i happened to be an ESFP. apparently i was something else before (according to weilin's photographic memory of highschoolevents, in relative to my lack of) mymy, i am already 22 - about a quarter of my life has come and gone. the scary thing is, i still feel a lot like a kid. so, it was such a good warm n fuzzy feeling to meet up with old friends and chat about (random) stuff (:

anyway i developed a new habit the past few nights. to fight my clinical glooms, i would watch an episode of himym every night before i doze off on my bed. i am starting to like it a lot - it's like the second FRIENDS. totally legendary. awesomeness.

was chatting to shaun last night over supper, and he said somethign that was very encouraging, like one of those quotes that yu've heard a million times, and is finally finding it applicable. he said: 'focus on the end point, dont keep dwelling on where you are at now' yahh, i guess. i will try.
loads of things to lookn forward to over the weekend other than schoolwork. krystin's staying over on friday, and there's that reunion breakkie (: i am missing the fried potato pancakes already.


so this is a post of random ramblings, a great way of procrastinating before i start conquering the mountain pile of work i have. and grr they are going to eat hakka at glenwaverly tonight, which i will miss out on cos of thatfridaynightthing. fine by me, i already thought of the perfect placce to go for supper, cell!

Wednesday, June 17

sunshine days

the past 3 days have been tough, though i cant quite put into words succintly why it is so. i cant make out what gets me more - the fact that i feel useless cos i dont seem to know my work well enough, or the fact that the environment is completely out of my comfort zone? today was particularly discouraging - with loads of mistakes during my treatment sessions and worse, not having an understanding of the mistakes i have committed. it's very difficult to talk to those big aussie blokes as well, especially when they talk faster than japanese trains, at 830am in a cold winter morning. the unfortunate event of forgetting my atm pin number recently aggravates the situation - i haven't got enough cash to buy coffee. and.. there seems to be so much i have been complaining about. what a whiny little spoilt brat i am.

i think God is really stripping away a lot of things that i have taken granted for, and is used to - friends, coffee, freedom to express, academic achievement.. etc etc. but yu know, despite my outward ranting and venting and sighing and screaming and sulking and.. etc.. i still have to admit .. the silent voice of Truth in my head tells me - all these things happen for a reason, a good reason, and all will work out for the good. i have never felt smaller, and i will pray harder. i will learn and rejoice in what God has to teach me in this season. i will walk through it couraegously - not alone, but holding onto myGod. i will learn to decrease as He increase. i will experience His grace and His mercy. i will call out to Him in desperation. so i will be more than okay, and give thanks for today, tomorrow and the 3 more weeks to come.
this is the day the Lord has made, so rejoice in it i will.

"Your grace is sufficient for me,
your strength is made perfect when i am weak.
and all that i cling to, i lay at your feet.
your grace is sufficient for me"

ps: i am going to play one of my favourite games call taboo with myself. this week, the taboo words will be - "i hate" & "so depressing" & "clinics suck"

Tuesday, June 16

lately clinics have been quite depressing :(

Friday, June 12

melbourne supper club

what a tummy-rewarding day - a far cry from how last night went for me.

the foodie day kicked start at briscola. hee was so happy that they've finally decided to serve soup that's to my liking - pumpkin and smoked bacon! oohlala, no more celery/peas&beans soup. lunch was kind to the tummy with just the soup & a pot of cammomile.

then dinner was at 88richmond, where the grilledporkchopbrokenrice, the sugarcaneprawnricevermicelli, the friedprawnspringroll, the mintleafwrappedroastedbeef were all very tasty and savoury.

back to study at a new place (franktate), followed by the melbourne supper club! i have been wanting to go there for some time now (: anyway, the place didnt disappoint. the cheese was by far the best i have ever tasted, though the creme brulee wasn't fantastic (tao's has the best creme brulee!) epicure quotes it 'the flagship of melbourne bars' (: ps: the waiter had a wide vocab bank. it was interesting listening to him describe the cheeseboard.

happy day/nextday, thankyouGod.

Thursday, June 11

coming soon


6th july - 18th july

the superman returns.


lots to thank God for.

last night was memorable, and a little comical on hindsight - went to the emergency department as a patient for the first time in my life. thank God for friends who are willing to help.

Wednesday, June 10

10th june

it's daddy's birthday.

european mornings ease tumtacks

161 spring street, a few freezing minutes walk away from home to a (veryearly)morning breakfast proved rewarding. the trout/egg/potato/avocado/salsa mix/good latte motivated me - that if i want to continue indulging my tastebuds in yummyyumyumfood, i better start eating healthy and be rid of these tummyattacks. no more oily kfc indulgence / greasy junk that will clog up my systems. and now, back to earth, i think i might need to see a doc for these tummyattacks - hmm and for lack of a better word, i shall codename this episode of illness 'tumtacks' (short-form) for self-amusement.

ps: interestingdreamnumber348304703: i dreamt of sims3 last night - except in my dream/nightmare, the town was narcissistic-ally changed to 'shuks'. i was one of the controlled 'shuks/sims' and of cos, my occupation in it was prime minister (ha-ha-ha, so glad i wasn't a physio). in the dream/nightmare, i was leading the 'shuks/sims' in a rebel against the 'human players ' that were controlling our life, literally at the tip of their fingers by clicking away. what a disturbing dream/nightmare! as if that wasnt weird enough, my tactics in the dream/nightmare were 1.throwing viruses into the system 2.let the ghosts of the shukstown/simstown loose and out of the computer screen 3.feigning death so the humanplayers will leave the town alone.

compunction of heart

"if you want to make any progress in godliness, keppy yourself in the fear of God (prov 19:23) and do not desire too much freedom. keep all your senses under control by severe discipline, and do not indulge in foolish merriment. yield yourself to compunction of heart, and you will thereby increase greatly in inward devotion to God. Compunction opens to way to much good, which lack of moral restrain quickly destroys. it is a wonder that any of us who seriously consider and mediatate upon our state of exile and the many perils that surround our soul can ever perfectly rejoice in this life. through lightness of heart and little concern for our failings, we become insensitive to the real sorrows of our souls, and often indulge in foolish liaughter when we have valid reasons to weep (james 4:8-9). there is no true freedom or genuine joy except when the fear of God is accompanied by a good conscience. Happy are those who can rid themselves of every distracting thing that impedes their progress, and can dedicate themselves to the desired result of holy compunction. Happy is the one who can abandon all that may defile or burden the conscience. Resist courageously, one habit overcomes another."

- Thomas Kempis

Tuesday, June 9

gastric

so sleepy. i had gastric the whole of last night.. from 1 to 7am, and couldnt sleep a wink. cos it was so gr unbearably painful. dont know what to do now. go out get food? but i feel so sleepy. the problem with being sick is this: we need food (i.e. need to go n get it) but we will be too tired to go get it - and then we become worse. like a viscious cycle. hurhur.

Monday, June 8

freedom?

"seek to do as you wish, and be captive to your desires.
practice discipline, and enjoy the essence of true freedom."

this tweet is a very timely reminder for me. s i g h.

Sunday, June 7

seems like sims got me :)

was
watching
jonlee
play
sims3
and
sighs
i
got
hooked
- like
fishes
to
the
bait,
- like
ants
to
honey
...
I
WANT
TO
PLAY
SIMS 3!

Saturday, June 6

every heartbeat for Your gloy.

Alabaster Jar


This alabaster jar
is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve

You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires
and the fullness of my joy

Like You spilled Your blood,
I spill my heart
as an offering to my King

Here I am, take me
As an offering
Here I am, giving
every heartbeat
for Your glory
Take me

This time that I have left
is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve

And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for You

Worthy, Worthy
You are worthy
Worthy is the Lord.

i wish i can sing this, and mean everything i say every second of my life.

to be continued...

5th june 2009:
smash.
snap.
what a sight.
it was so... messy... that i felt guilty after.
oh wells, happy 22nd birthday :)
i wish you will dwell in the courts of ourDaddyinHeaven throughout the days of your life, and that He will grow&mould you into a mighty man. I hope you will become a living testimony for Him, so pleasing in His eyes that He will use you to do His great works. Let His glory be shown through you. Let faith hope & love be always with you.
Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with God.

Friday, June 5

the story of whipcream justification.

2008, 5th floor law library:
B: eh, are you serious ah, there's going to be a sabo ah?
Me: duh. told you to be prepared already what.
B: no no you all wont be able to come into my house.
Me: pau can let us into your house.
B: no i bet she wont take part in sabo-ing me. i know my sister well
Me: um. you want to bet?
B: yah, if really she sabo me, i let you smash my face with whip cream next year.
Me: sure, deal.


2008, 6thjune, evanburge:
pau took a handful of flour and threw it at B.



2009, 5thjunenight:
to be continued :)

monica's mini birthday celebration

so the clock strikes 12 and we had to go. quick call home in the car to see if she's sleeping. quickly stopped over at universal to buy a brownie cheesecake & 1 sparkly pink candle. came home, lighted it with the largest stove, switched off the lights in the living room, knock knock and then BANG BANG BANG. kicked down her door, and barged in with yen.

and at this epic moment, the candle went off, and somehow, i couldnt think of a word to say.
after a few seconds of staring at each other, the next thing that came out was: "lets try that again, encore."

so, we went out, lighted the sparkly pink candle with the strongest stove again, switched off the lights again, kicked her door open again, went into her room again, and..

still quite didnt know what to say.
"hm. happy birthday?"

awkward laughs, weak hiphiphurrays and a shocked christine finally recovers and joined in.

what a weak attempt. but the night ended up good with the 4 of us cracking silly jokes :)
if not for the crazykickass50%assignment which i am resigned to not finishing on time,
AND the 35% exam that is both due tomorrow, monica, i promise i would have done a better job.

anyway, here's to my housie monica lee,

happy 18th :)

may God be with you throughout all of your days, i wish God keeps you close and protects you always, cos i cant think of any wishes better than that :)

love, shuks

Thursday, June 4

i took a 17minute nap just now on the library table,
and dreamt that i married a soccer star.
gives me more motivation now to enjoy physiotherapy.
hurhur.
ps: note how i blog about random events when i m stressed.
my stress level is right now as high as the peak of mount everest
and it's all my silly fault for procrastianting before
eeks, God God God!
say a prayer and calm myself down.
clear my head and continue my conquer of the 1500.
glup.
for physiostudents, one of the assignments require us to record a video of ourselves leading an exercise class. i couldnt stand editing the video cos i sound horrendously twisted in the video. my voice sounds so high and screechy and worst of all, so SING SONG! :( i wonder if i will get penalised for sounding weird. urgh.

Wednesday, June 3

effects of bad hair day

the increase in oil and sticky-ness of hair leads to an hyperactive imagination. my (very) limited command of the english language cannot do justice to the scenes going through my head. nonetheless, i will try:
imagine this. the teenyweeny oil droplets on my hair are spliting into two with every second that goes by. and at a certain threshold, these minute oil droplets will start morphing into hair bugs. these hair bugs then mate and lay eggs deep within my hair roots which will attract predators like birds and possums. aiyah, to cut the story short, if i dont go home soon enough to wash my hair, greek myths will become a reality: i will turn into a medusa :(
stupid rain.

Tuesday, June 2

steamboat :)

+ jon lee who is taking the photo
+ jon chee who is at pressing the doorbell at this very moment
+ tony who is working hard at the hospital

dinner with friends makes cold winter nights warm and fuzzy inside :) it delights me much much to see friends from the suburbs, friends from different walks of life, friends who hasn't found time to catch up with one another come together.

my love language is quality time :)