Tuesday, September 22

ozymandias

the first day of my gerontology (i.e. taking care of older people) placement was at an aged care facility near camberwell. i felt rather confronted, and once again reminded, that life is indeed fleeting. there are about 60 residents altogether. some are wheelchair bound because of brittle bones & weak muscles, dealing with the painful knowledge of their disability. while some others are trapped in a world of their own, not even recognising their family members & loved ones. and then.. there are those more unfortunate ones who are a combination of both. they lie in bed, waiting for time to pass. you think it's easy to accept their decline. after all, they are nearly a century old. but when you step into their rooms, and give them a little more attention than you normally would.. you will notice that on their walls hang countless (yes, countless) pictures & photos that tell their life story. one of the old man who could barely take a step was a professor at melbuni, a well respected academic who had published several papers. another grumpy old guy that is constantly sliding off his chair was a top notched lawyer. and then there is that poor old lady who peed in her pants as we stood her up - she looked so pretty & happy in her wedding dress. the photos spoke of their achievements, they spoke of their youth. and the ironic/sad thing is.. they contrast sharply with reality.

and tonight, i finally caught UP. the movie begins with the story of a young boy. a young boy with dreams of adventure & found more than what he was asking for. he found love, happiness. and you thought disney movies always end with happily ever after. nopes, it ends with grief, loss & pain. i am not satisfied that his loss is replaceable by his newfound friendship. i still maintain that the story is one that is sad.

anyhow, a sonnet that i read years.. and years ago called ozymandias was brought to mind:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.


and then i read ecc 1 just so i can vent. indeed, solomon is wise - everything is meaningless, as he said/sang. even the search of knowledge is meaningless & vanity. let us instead, put our efforts into better investments, investing into the riches that are eternal, where rust & moths cannot destroy. let us get our perspectives right.

Saturday, September 19

i used to get very emo listening to emo songs such as rachel yamagata's i wish you love. nowadays, i get emo listening to worship songs. hurr. i think i am still struggling to come to terms with the heart ache of having to leave. i am still whining to God about it, silently hoping that i can stay, somehow. oh well, the opportunity came a few weeks ago, about the same time as the entire eviction deal. but yu know what God, as much as i feel sad about it, i know this is but for as long as it will last. i have decided, and i am resolved, to wait upon you Lord. i will be obedient to wherever yu call me to. i will go to where yu have called me. and yu will not send me to where your grace does not cover me. so i will not take the offer. nopes, i will not. as much as i am tempted, i will not. la dee da. last ltc retreat in a few hours time. excited & happy to witness His work in the lives of my fellow race partners. i will cheer you, you & you on, hoping only the best for you.

Friday, September 18

due to my lack of time management, cant say no attitude & disregard of my own limits, i often find myself placed in situations where i have too little time and too much to do. and when i cant push it off anymore, i get all panickly and pray - such a recurrent theme in my life. hurhur.

so i tell myself today, that is it. some old habits have to change and the time to change for the better is always NOW. okay, so no more procrastination & stop blogging now! but it's good i typed out my thoughts. it helps to clear my head a little. and the little conversation going on right now in my head is: if yu dont finish what yu're supposed to be doing today, shuks, yu are missing steamboat dinner & cell bonding time, and dun forget yu already didnt have lunch. ah okay i m going to continue ticking off my to-do-list now.

to-do's before the decemeber.

horseriding, as inspired by BOF. play mahjong in melbourne, something i told myself i would do 4 years ago. watch the sunrise/sunset from st kilda beach, or attempt to. play soccer with cell girls (i dreamt of it! hopefully in 10years' time, we will be sitting on the bench togther while we watch our kids play soccer heee!) eat the sashimi buffet at 133... something road. have a sleepover and watch (at least) 2 disney movies before dozing off. bake. cook. throw an ice cube at someone. sabo yen and get him real bad (even if i cant accomplish it durng his birthday, i will just randomly do it myself i have to). visit my list of cafes & restuarants to eat at. meet up with all my good friends and give them big emotional hugs. spend more time with betty & charlene. oh my gosh, meet up with jianxin! do something about my empty fish bowl, where sunshine & snow-white used to live in. eat kinderbuenos & tintams x10 each. sit on a safeway trolley and be wheeled around. dota with intelligent people.

ps:non-exhaustive.

Sunday, September 13

getting a little too excited / nervous / excited to sleep. cliche as it sounds, i cant put to words how i feel in this moment. it's just looking at how it was, and how it has become and thinking of how it will be.. it takes courage & strength, perseverance & focus. but yah, a milestone it is. ahh bah kaarhhhs blue ppooopp harr keee! that was.. for lack of an expression. eeeeks.

Thursday, September 10

my fairy tale

"dont you try to make me worry. my fairytale has already started, i am living in it. i dont know the details of the story.. but i do know the ending, because i know the author." proof that i can stand up for myself when i get burnt (:

Wednesday, September 9

my song

the lyrics spoke to me.

Tuesday, September 8

boxing up

in face of the imminent eviction by MICM, i woke up a little earlier in an attempt to do a little bit of packing. i've obviously chosen the wrong place to start, because my carboard box was still empty by the end of the hour. thinking that i should first put away 'un-needed' items, i started with my 'happybox'. my 'happybox' is a bit like a box used to store up memories for myself. camptags, concert tickets, polaroids, littlenotes, cards, little trinkets, journals and even chocolate wrappers...

God has comforted me this morning, perhaps a reward for forcing myself to pack, to move on. He has been faithful through it all. Not only had he answered the prayers i prayed when i first came to Melbourne, but His blessings upon me were more than i had asked for. Ha. On the first day that i reached melbourne, I remembered crying to God and asking Him for one good friend. He answered, in His due time.

Holding onto the sweetness of God, i have courage to face tomorrow :)

God with us.

i will never understand,
how humbling it was for You to be with us.
a love so great,
only You can give.
my heart cries out,
glory to You alone.

God with us.

Monday, September 7

titanic 2, coming soon.

i was.. lost for words when i saw this.

Friday, September 4

end of a begining

you see, when i made the committment to join ocf, it wasn't for a 3 year timeframe... it doesnt end the moment i graduate, and it will not end from the first friday i stop going. neither will it end the moment i leave melbourne. the vision of ocf is meant to last a lifetime - reach out build up send back. send back. wherever it may be, and wherever that God brings me to, the mandate continues. because it's God's mandate for me that i have understood through OCF. the 'send back phase' is about to begin, and i pray i will be ready for it. i pray i will be steadfast & faithful. i pray i will run the race with perseverance.

perhaps it's only the end of a begining.

Wednesday, September 2

pizza party please

behold! another new dish to my what-shuks-can-cook list. and guess whose pizza won the night's best pizza contest? obviously my UBP unidentified baked pizza, also known as the best pizza.

Tuesday, September 1

this is not the way it should be.

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd in the sounds of silence.

'scourge of the poor'

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/07/29/world/20090729ARGENTINA_11.html

"They return with nothing, to the same place that made them sick"

the story of Mr Eche makes me wonder if the solution to drug abuse lies in police raids & stricter laws. maybe it's not the drug dealers & abusers that they need to fight.